Enhancing Humanity and Gaining Trust

5 September, 2022

Organization
Thinking

Summary

Listen earnestly to what others say.
Strive to understand people instead of blaming them.
Give sincere praise. Flattery is unnecessary.

Three Principles of Influencing People

1. Recognizing the Reason Even in a Thief

Instead of blaming people, let's try to understand them.
Think carefully about why someone would do such a thing.
This approach is not only more effective but also more interesting.
By doing so, empathy, tolerance, and goodwill will naturally arise.
To know all is to forgive all.

2. Making People Feel Important

All humans strongly desire to be appreciated by others.
In some aspect, every person is superior to me.
Say things that perfectly match the other person's self-assessment.
Admiration is truthful, flattery is not.
Admiration is welcomed by everyone, while flattery is disliked by all.

3. Putting Yourself in Others' Shoes

Always put yourself in the other's shoes and think from their perspective.
A father troubled by his son's bedwetting bought him a new bed and pajamas of his choice and made him promise not to wet the bed. Thereafter, the boy, wanting to behave like an adult, kept his promise. His self-respect made him adhere to his word.

Six Principles of Being Likable

1. Show Genuine Interest

Listen attentively to what others say.

2. Don't Forget to Smile

While actions can be controlled, emotions cannot be adjusted.
It's important to behave and speak in a cheerful manner.

3. Remember Names

Roosevelt remembered the name of a mechanic he happened to meet.

4. Be a Good Listener

This troublesome man undoubtedly saw himself as a warrior defending civil rights from harsh exploitation. However, he actually craved recognition of his importance.
He complained to gain a sense of importance. Once his need for significance was fulfilled by the staff, his delusions and grievances quickly vanished.

5. Discerning Areas of Interest

Identify and discuss topics of interest to the other person.
Roosevelt had a wealth of suitable topics for any visitor. If he knew someone was coming, he would research late into the previous night.

6. Sincerely Praise

Always make others feel important.

Twelve Principles of Persuasion

1. Avoiding Argument as the Only Way to Win an Argument

Misunderstandings can never be resolved by argument, but rather through wit, diplomacy, comfort, caring, and compassionate consideration from the other person's perspective.
First, listen to the other person. Allow them to express their opinion and hear them out. Arguing, defending oneself, or engaging in dispute only raises barriers. The key is to build bridges of mutual understanding and not to elevate barriers of misunderstanding.

2. Respect the Other Person's Opinions and Don't Point Out Their Mistakes

Saying, "Perhaps I am wrong," will prevent any trouble. Instead, this can end the argument, make the other person more generous and fair, and lead them to reflect on their own possible mistakes.

3. Promptly and Cheerfully Admitting Your Mistakes

Instead of arguing with a police officer, I immediately admitted that I was completely wrong.
I admitted it promptly, candidly, and sincerely.
This led to mutual concession, and we discussed the matter by putting ourselves in each other's shoes, leading to a happy resolution.
The gentle demeanor shown by the officer who had been intimidating a week earlier would have surprised anyone.

4. Speak Calmly

We should well understand that people don't like to change their minds.
You can't force people to agree with you.
However, a gentle and open attitude can change someone's mind.

5. Choose Questions That Get an Immediate "Yes"

When talking to someone, don't start with issues where you disagree.
Start with issues where you agree, and keep emphasizing them as the conversation progresses.
Make the other person understand that you are both working towards the same goal and that the difference lies only in the method.

6. Let the Other Person Do a Great Deal of the Talking

Be a good listener.

7. Let the Other Person Feel the Idea is Theirs

We value our own ideas far more than those imposed on us by others.
Therefore, it's wrong to impose your ideas on someone else.
It's much smarter to give suggestions and let the other person come to their own conclusion.

8. Try Honestly to See Things from the Other Person's Point of View

The other person may be wrong, but they don't think they are.
Blaming them won't solve anything.
Anyone can criticize, but understanding takes effort.
Wise people try to understand others.
Ask yourself, "If I were in their position, how would I feel and react?"
Doing this makes getting angry and wasting time seem foolish.
If you're interested in the cause, you can also sympathize with the result.
Plus, you'll get better at dealing with people.

9. Be Sympathetic with the Other Person's Ideas and Desires

Start by saying, "You're absolutely right to think that way. If I were you, I'd probably think the same."

10. Appeal to the Nobler Motives

After confirming that the other person has calmed down, appeal to their sense of fair judgment.
In other words, appeal to their nobler motives.
"We deeply apologize for the inconvenience caused by our shortcomings. I'm sure you were upset by the collector's attitude. It's completely unacceptable. As a representative of the company, I sincerely apologize. After hearing your story, I am thoroughly impressed by your fair and tolerant character. Actually, I have a request, and only you can help with it. It's about this bill."

11. Dramatize Your Ideas

Simply stating facts is not enough.
Facts need to be animated, interesting, and dramatized.

12. Throw Down a Challenge

A sense of competition is important in work.
Instead of unscrupulous competition for profit, one should harness the desire to outdo others.

Nine Principles of Changing People

1. Begin with Praise

Starting with praise is akin to a local anesthetic.
It softens the damage.

2. Give Indirect Suggestions

When criticizing people, many start with praise, then use the word "but" to start their criticism. For example, when encouraging a child to study:
"Johnny, your mom and I are so proud of your improved grades this semester. But if you studied algebra more, your grades would have been even better."
Replace "but" with "and":
"Johnny, your mom and I are so proud of your improved grades this semester. And if you continue to study like this next semester, even your algebra grades will improve like the other subjects."

3. Talk About Your Own Mistakes Before Criticizing the Other Person

When reprimanding someone, start with a humble attitude, acknowledging your own imperfections and mistakes, and then point out their error. This way, the person will not feel as unpleasant.

4. Ask Questions Instead of Giving Direct Orders

Give suggestions, not commands.
How about thinking this way?
Will this work?

5. Save Face

I have no right to say or do something that damages the other person's self-esteem or leads to self-loathing.
What matters is not how I evaluate them, but how they evaluate themselves. Damaging their dignity as a person is a crime.

6. Praise Every Improvement, No Matter How Small

Words of praise are like sunlight pouring down on a person.

7. Give Expectations

If you treat a person as if they possess certain virtues, they will strive to demonstrate those virtues openly.
By creating a good reputation for someone, they will try not to disappoint your expectations.

8. Encourage and Instill Confidence in Abilities

Do not negate and nip the bud of ambition.
Encourage them greatly and let them know you believe in their abilities.
They will then strive hard to demonstrate their excellence.

9. Make Cooperation Enjoyable

Be sincere. Do not make promises you cannot keep. Forget your own interests and focus solely on the interests of the other.
Clearly understand what kind of cooperation you expect from the other person.
Put yourself in their shoes. What are their true desires?
What benefits will they gain by cooperating with you?
Provide the benefits they desire.
When asking for something, talk in a way that makes the other person realize it is also in their interest.